Divorce Court

Divorce is the classic piece in society’s closet that never goes out of style. In less than one week three people have told me that they are divorced or divorcing. Out of the three, only one of them kind of took me off guard, but really nothing surprises me.

Having been officially divorced since January 2010, I guess I’m an expert to them and so they call me for my counsel. As the saying goes, “been there, done that,” I tell them to chalk it up t yet another one of life’s experience. And the experience was meant for personal growth and development. Then my question to them is…What is your accountability /ownership in the process of the marriage not working out? Human nature dictates that we like to place blame, but we shouldn’t place blame, we should accept responsibility for actions.

We choose that person for one to many reasons. We get married for the wedding event, companionship, financial support, “love”, arrangements (paying for someone to go to school on a GI bill), etc. Whatever the reason you entered the marriage won’t necessarily be the glue that keeps the marriage going, it might be the thorn in your side that makes it fall apart.

Next I ask them to be really, really, really honest with themselves, “did you change during the marriage or did you try to get them to change?” Most responses are normally, the same, they spent most of the time trying to convince the other of their view point (been there, done that!). But really if we haven’t changed much, should we really expect for the other person too? Crazy people think others should change and never themselves. And yes it’s true, we all have the ability to change, however it comes when one is ready, not when we are ready for another to change. The only person you have that type of control over is you!

Change comes in many forms and often times when we face difficult situations, like divorce, to propel us to another state of being. Divorce can sometimes feel like experience death, as you are losing someone. This experience can lead you to better or worse, a statement you may have expressed in your vowels. Choose better and divorce can actually do that for you if you allow it. And understand you will continue to heal way after the divorce. Make sure you find your peace from within so that you will not attract the same type of person you left behind.

Will I get married again? I’m open. Life is an adventure, who knows what I will learn from the next marriage experience. My aunt said, “You haven’t been married unless you’ve been married twice, the first one is just a trial.” I know I just don’t plan to do a repeat course. I will be different, as I only have the power to change me. I won’t expect the other person to change. Liv your truth!